In hopes of catching more terrorists, the FBI released twenty five instructional pamphlets intended for everyone from hobby store owners to karate instructors. The idea being that these businesses will turn in their customers to the FBI as suspected terrorists. Every single one of these examples were taken directly from FBI lists distributed to places of business in how they can help fight the war on terror. Do one of these, and you might end up at FEMA camp.
1. Beauty shops have been instructed to look out for people getting picked up outside, rather than driving themselves. Sorry Grandma.
Icertainly hope she drove herself.
2. Bulk fuel distributors, frequently known as gas stations, have been instructed to look out for people filling containers with gasoline or diesel fuel. Why do they still sell these tools of terrorism?
Don’t get caught with one of these…
3. According to the FBI, if construction sites find glue in a lock, graffiti or vandalism of any kind should suspect teenagers second and terrorists first.
Al Qaeda strikes Kenosha
4. Renting a boat? Don’t do it for too long, or the FBI might have to step in.
This may look like good clean fun, but look again!
5. Better not ask how to swap a SIM card, because that’s a sure sign of jihadist tendency.
I hope she knows how to swap the SIM herself…
6. Electronics shops have been asked to report those who buy assorted electronic components…at an electronics shop.
This may look like a children’s toy…
7. Better not be cashing lots of checks and money orders. Only terrorists have multiple income streams.
Is she hiding something? Like a missing index finger?
8. Overdressed for the weather? A sure sign of hiding bombs. Or being cold.
9. Don’t get caught drawing things in public. You’re probably planning to blow them up.
10. Demonstrating interest in remote control planes at a hobby shop has been identified by the experts at the FBI as a sign of terrorist intent. I wonder if anyone has ever expressed interest in RC planes at a hobby shop?
Ok…maybe this guy has a problem
11. Don’t buy pipe at Home Depot. The FBI told home improvement stores to watch out for that. What possible use for pipe is there, other than bomb making?
What does that plumber need with all that pipe?
12. The FBI says peaceful citizens don’t pay in cash. Practically everyone knows that cash is a sure sign of terrorism.
What does she need with all that money?
13. God help you if you’re missing a finger or a hand. Nearly every FBI list had this one, as if people generally chose to have their hands and fingers cut off.
I don’t think they were talking about this guy.
14. Don’t change your appearance. Everyone knows terrorists get makeovers all the time.
Wonder why she wants to look different all the sudden?
15. And whatever you do, don’t get sweaty.
Only bad guys sweat.