ST. PETERSBURG  (The Borowitz Report)—Hopes for a positive G20 summit crumbled today as President Obama blurted to Russia’s Vladimir Putin at a joint press appearance, “Everyone here thinks you’re a jackass.”

The press corps appeared stunned by the uncharacteristic outburst from Mr. Obama, who then unleashed a ten-minute tirade at the stone-faced Russian President.


“Look, I’m not just talking about Snowden and Syria,” Mr. Obama said. “What about Pussy Riot? What about your anti-gay laws? Total jackass moves, my friend.”

As Mr. Putin narrowed his eyes in frosty silence, Mr. Obama seemed to warm to his topic.

“If you think I’m the only one who feels this way, you’re kidding yourself,” Mr. Obama said, jabbing his finger in the direction of the Russian President’s face. “Ask Angela Merkel. Ask David Cameron. Ask the Turkish guy. Every last one of them thinks you’re a d**k.”obama-putin-g20-580

Shortly after Mr. Obama’s volcanic performance, Mr. Putin released a terse official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of this skinny man? I wrestle bears.”

After one day of meetings, the G20 nations voted unanimously on a resolution that said maybe everyone should just go home.


35 Responses

  1. Dino says:


    The TRUTH has no Agenda… merely is what it is………the TRUTH!

  2. Dino says:

    Fulford: Latest Attempt To Start WW3 in Syria Sign of Cabal Desperation
    Posted by Deus Nexus on August 27, 2013
    fulford_3Reposted from: Benjamin Fulford

    The final take-down of the criminal cabal that illegally seized control of many Western countries is under-way according to multiple sources in the Pentagon, MI5, the Italian P2 Freemason Lodge and in various Asian power centers.

    The ongoing attempts by these religious fanatic criminals to start Armageddon, this time with an operation in Syria is nothing more than a sign of desperation.

    The list of countries that has agreed to attack Syria based on the obvious cabal staged poisonous gas attack in Syria is also a list of the countries still under cabal control. These are the US, Canada (to my deep shame), France, Israel, Italy, Turkey, Qatar and Saudi Arabia. The fact that other NATO countries, notably Germany, are not participating is a sign the cabal no longer controls the NATO alliance. Globally, the cabal now controls only 8 out of the 195 nations on earth.

    It is true these cabal controlled nations still control considerable military power on paper but it is extremely unlikely the pentagon will go along with this latest cabal gambit. From their point of view it is difficult to see what sort of legitimate US interests would be served by attacking Syria.

    Instead, they realize this latest horror is just a desperate attempt to start war in order to save cabal control of the financial system. That is not going to be allowed.

    On that front, a White Dragon Society representative will meet this week with holders of historical Asian bonds issued by the Federal Reserve Board in order to begin moves to either force the Feds to either cash them or be declared bankrupt. The bonds will be taken to the Bank for International Settlements for cashing after the UN, the governments of the US, the EU, Russia, China etc. are formally notified the money will be used to finance a massive campaign to end poverty and stop environmental destruction. If anybody objects, the specific names of the people or organizations trying to block this move will be publicized and legal action against them will be initiated.

    Since the International Court of Justice at the Hague is a cabal controlled institution, it will probably be necessary to set up a special tribunal to carry out mass arrests of top cabal members before work to repair this planet can begin.

    There will also be continued clandestine efforts to remove cabal proxies from public office in the 8 countries still under cabal control. England, the US and Canada are expected to be the first of the 8 cabal controlled countries that will be freed. This will be done primarily by using all legal tools available to remove the known cabal mass murderers who are in power in these countries.

    Of course the cabal has no intention of going quietly. In addition to their increasingly desperate attempts to start World War 3, the cabalists are also trying to co-opt the coming revolution.

    The plan to co-opt the revolution by the cabal is taking the form of controlled opposition. The pumping up of, and mass corporate propaganda media pumping up of people like Edward Snowden and Julian Assange mark them as officially sanctioned “rebels.” These highly publicized and lionized “whistleblowers,” despite supposedly having access to huge archives of intelligence files have somehow failed, for example, to find anything about 911, 311 or other cabal mass murder events.

    In any case, the cabal controlled revolution scenario hopes to use these and other yet to be created anti-heroes to make it seem that a revolution has taken place. Of course, it will just be a case of putting the velvet glove back onto the recently exposed steel fist of cabal fascist control. This plan will fail.

    In a separate cabal gambit, top cabal agent Adnan Sacly is travelling around Asia, particularly Indonesia, in an attempt to bribe or otherwise influence Asian dynastic families, according to a senior P2 Freemason official. . He is being hunted by operatives working for the Vatican as well as the CIA and is thus not expected to remain in action for very long, according to the P2 freemason official.

    There is also trouble brewing on the economic front with China now joining the ranks of countries whose economies are imploding. Mass bankruptcies have begun among small and medium enterprise, according to a Chinese government official.

    This means the controlled economic implosion that began with the Lehman Brothers crisis of 2008 has worked its way from weaker countries like Greece and the US and is now hitting previously strong economies like China. This is adding to the pressure to start the new financial system and pump money into the global economy ASAP.

    However, although everybody is sick and tired of the old financial system, solving the question of who gets to control the money pump next is still going to take many months to solve before the new system can begin.

    The problem is due to a continuing deadlock at the very top of the old system. The big banks have used derivatives fraud to create astronomical amounts of dollars (quintillions, decadecillions and other such exotic numbers are bandied about in the back rooms) and are reluctant to admit this money has no basis in reality. Big banks with equally astronomical derivatives losses on their books are also refusing to recognize their bankruptcy, resulting in deadlock.

    In the end, it will probably be necessary to shut down all the bank computers and delete all money from the system. After that, only money that is backed by real world assets will be re-entered into the system. This will mean a lot of work for auditors and other experts in following financial paper trails.

    Since finance is the process of deciding what we as a species do in the future, there is also a spiritual dimension to the financial system that needs to be properly dealt with. Once cabal control is ended we need to come up with a new way of deciding what sort of world we want to build with the resources that exist today. If properly done, the new structure will unleash dormant human potential and allow for the biggest changes our species has seen since the beginning of agriculture.

  3. Dino says:


  4. Dino says:



    Play video FALSE FLAG NUCLEAR ATTACK on SOUTH CAROLINA if the U.S. Dosnt Goto WAR with SYRIA Senator Lindsay Graham has warned South Carolinians about the threat of a…
    Added on 9/06/13

    FALSE FLAG NUCLEAR ATTACK on SOUTH CAROLINA if the U S Dosnt Goto … FLAG NUCLEAR ATTACK on SOUTH CAROLINA if the U.S. Dosnt Goto WAR with SYRIASenator Lindsay Graham has warned …



    Play video The personal is political, the political personal. When you see the big picture, you see how everything is connected.
    Added on 9/04/13

  5. Dino says:

    Our government Officials that are providing support Aide and Comfort to the enemy the Muslim Brotherhood UN,
    EU and others to Disarm the American people and take down America need to be Mass Arrested Immediately. By nuking South Carolina Obama the Fraud USURPER will be able to declare a false bogus Declaration of Martial Law and attempt to Disarm the American people with the use of Foreign Troops (good luck with that) (it will not happen without serious bloodshed) and there are more of us! You must NOT allow yourselves to be USED.

    Anyone in our government on any level Local, City, State, and Federal providing any type of support for the Disarming of American Citizens, who support the signing away of our Sovereignty, who are members of the Communist Socialist Party, who are supporting in any way the objectives of the New World Order, the NWO Agenda, Agenda 21, Depopulation who are sitting idly by allowing the American to be poisoned through Chemtrails, allowing Bill Gates Monsanto and others to poison our Air, Water, and food and Vaccines with toxic chemicals deliberately meant to wipe out the masses here in America need to be mass arrested. This is Mass Genocide and Crimes Against Humanity……

    These Criminal Defacto Traitors and bought and Paid For Whores to the NWO, UN, England and the EU simply cannot be allowed to just up and walk away… they have knowingly committed several acts of Sedition and High Treason, are conspiring to disarm the American people (which will never happen, we simply will not allow it) they have built over 800 Nazi FEMA Prison Camps around the country with documented plans to break up the USA into several regions and mass murder millions of Americans. They need to be arrested, stripped of their ill gotten gains, charged,Tried and hung for Treason……for they are not above the law becasue they are elected to office they need to know they are NOT above the law and are accountable for their crimes for they are nothing but Public Servants gone Rogue!

    History Lesson for those of you who have been deliberately deprived of our true history
    by non other than the Department of Education:

    The de facto UNITED STATES CORPORATION was unlawfully established by the forty-first congress in 1871 by deceptive means and without proper consent from “ the People”. The American people were placed under involuntary servitude by a “Legal” system of “admiralty laws” (by King George England) that have continually violated the “Constitution for the united States of America”, “Bill of Rights” and the “Declaration of Independence”. The Origional Constitution and the Origional 13th Amendment where deliberately hidden from the American people and then re drafted for their Criminal Corporation wherein Amendments were unlawfully added and removed without the people’s consent. Since 1871, the abuses of this corporation upon the American people are inestimable and unconscionable. De facto Congress has repeatedly violated their Oaths of Office, fiduciary responsibilities, and in many cases, committed Seditious and treasonous acts against “The People” of the united States of America.

    This is also why these Criminals have monopoloies all all the major News Stations, Radio Stations and News Papers Across the land….They know if they Control the Media they can brain wash you and Control you … what you read and think and believe….. and its worked for GENERATIONS! But is now falling apart around them as the American people , the Sleeping Giants are waking up!!!! Read below the links under Who Actually owns the Media!

    Everyone in Congress the Senate the FBI Supreme Court Justices the Joint Cheifs and others know Obama is a proven Fraud USURPER a puppet for the NWO and England….They have all been notified on several occassions by legitimate law enforcement and the Military…… They have all committed Treason at such very high levels they all know if they admit it they will all surely hang at the gallows… but at the sacrafice of America and the American People………. Knowing this they still are BOWING to a know proven FRAUD USURPER and whore for the NWO and England! This does nothing more than VALIDATE their COLLUSSION!!

    Article 1 Section 7 Clause 2 of our Constitution is clear:

    As long as a fraud is USURPING the office of President Congress and the Senate cannot make and pass any laws and as long as a fraud USURPS the office the Senate cannot Ratify shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are all Criminally DEFACTO
    and you God Damn well know it yourself!!!! Here choke on this link below becasue the USA Corporation and all government officials in DC and their positions have all benn DISOLVED and NULLIFIED!! They are criminally trying to keep hold of this Nation through lies and propaganda when they need to leave and be mass arrested….with the assistance of Main Stream Media for England ……. and that fat bitch they call a Queen!

    Here is a copy of the notice of Nullification to Michigan they are being
    sent to all 50 states… The USA Corporation and all government Officials and their
    offices have been Legally and Constitutionally DISOLVED and NULLIFIED!!

    No laws of Congress are valid
    “Congress can pass no law while a usurper pretends to occupy “the Office of President.” The Constitution provides that “[e]very Bill which shall have passed the House of Representatives and the Senate, shall, before it become a Law, be presented to the President of the United States” (Article I, Section 7, Clause 2). Not to a usurper posturing as “the President of the United States,” but to the true and rightful President. If no such true and rightful President occupies the White House, no “Bill” will or can, “before it become a Law, be presented to [him].” If no “Bill” is so presented, no “Bill” will or can become a “Law.” And any purported “Law” that the usurper “approve[s]” and “sign[s],” or that Congress passes over the usurper’s “Objections,” will be a nullity. Thus, if Obama deceitfully “enters office” as an usurper, Congress will be rendered effectively impotent for as long as it acquiesces in his pretenses as “President.””
    Obama Could not be Removed Except by Force
    As a USURPER posturing as “the President,” Congress cannot even impeach Obama because, not being the actual President, he cannot be “removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors” (see Article II, Section 4). In that case, some other public officials would have to arrest him—with physical force, if he would not go along quietly—in order to prevent him from continuing his imposture. Obviously, this could possibly lead to armed conflicts within the General Government itself, or among the States and the people. BUT IT NEEDS TO HAPPEN IF WE ARE TO SAVE HER! America.

    Bear in mind, that as an imposter Commander–in-Chief of the Armed Forces, “he will be entitled to no obedience whatsoever from anyone in those Armed forces and Law Enforcment. Indeed, for officers or men to follow any of his purported “orders” including law enforcement will constitute a serious breach of military discipline—and in extreme circumstances perhaps even “war crimes.” In addition, no one in any civilian agency in the Executive Branch of the General Government will be required to put into effect any of Obama’s purported “proclamations,” “executive orders,” or “directives” (Viera, J.).

    This is also from Judge Dale….I warn you that if your not open to wanting to hear the truth stop here…You and your chidren in school are being lied to decieved and dummied down by Communist Socialist Engineers in a deliberate Agenda to overthrow this Nation….. Here is a serious History lesson:

    Read and understand the Constitution our history and read the DICK ACT of 1902 everyone just seems to want to ignore it but it is LAW! It cannot be changed or repealed and even if they try it is Null and Void…The DICK ACT was put in place because the 2nd Amendment is UNTOUCHABLE and it NULLIFIES all gun laws ever written and brought about today!!!

    In addition to this again I ask you to read this letter by Judge Dale as well:

    This is a must read for all Law enforcement:

    Official Document of Notification

    Here is the official notice of Nullification

    Here is a copy of the notice of Nullification sent to Michigan they are
    being sent to all 50 states

    The Criminal USA CORPORATION has been legally NULLIFIED!!!

    This Criminal Cabal is going to try with the help of the Main Stream Media whores
    to try to throw a smoke screen of lies and propaganda out to hold back the collapse but it is now
    totally out of their control…….


    REMEMBER: The only way to lose your rights and freedoms is for good men and women to sit back and do nothing!

    Nazi Concentration Camps (1945) WARNING : Very graphic

    Play video
    Horrible footage from inside the labour camps
    Added on 9/26/11

    BREAKING: Egyptian Media Says Barack Obama Is Muslim Brotherhood Member

    UK Encourages Chemical Weapons Use In Bahrain, Syria – OpEd

    Britain Supplied Nerve Agent to Syria

    Now they are saying Saudia Arabia supplied them?????? I am not buying it! The Queen has given the go ahead to implement their Depopulation Agenda they have all the motivfe to supply the chemicals used to spark WW III !!

    Who Actually owns the Media? You really think you know?? I bet most of you are wrong!!

  6. Dino says:

    Unconstitutional usurpations by one branch of government of powers entrusted to a coequal branch are not rendered constitutional by repetition.

    The United States Supreme Court held unconstitutional hundreds of laws enacted by Congress over the course of five decades that included a legislative veto of executive actions in INS v. Chada, 462 U.S. 919 (1982).

    • Michael J. Marsalek says:

      Surely you are kidding. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the unConstitutional individual mandate in Obamacare was Constitutional, thanks to John Roberts, because it ” COULD ” be read as a tax. Obama has used his education and office to circumvent the Constitution –
      not to uphold and defend it.

      • doesntmatter says:

        bamaboy is a puppet, as the rest of his preceders were….although they are puppets with “special” blood running through their veins, they are nothing more than mere puppets being controlled by something that is actually powerful and much more sinister than these puny pathetic lost humans.

        in other words….stop giving these empty shelled puppets credit for something they will NEVER have the wisdom to achieve on their own.

  7. Frobama may think that his closed society of freaks and geeks are “everybody” but he is far from correct. I’d rather have Putin as my president as that low-life n-word. I give it to Putin for not pushing the button on DC after those cracks from the monkey in cheif.

  8. Joe Sabanski says:

    WHAT A SHAME-the way our war criminal terrorist,DIRTY ZIONIST,PIG,JEW LOVING PRESIDENT behaves while in the presence of very intelligent people like Merkle,Putin,Etc.! Obammy is the Idiot,moron,JACKASS-not Putin! SHEEP IN AMERICA,WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!! This man,Obammy,needs to be impeached IMMEDIATELY! STAY OUT OF SYRIA,YOU WAR MONNGER PUPPET OF THE ZIONIST,PIG VOMITUS,JEW, ISREALS,OBAMMY! A concerned American veteran whose heart has stopped bleeding for this once great country a long time age!!!!!!!!!

    • Truth matters says:

      No argument here. But we won’t be so lucky to get rid of the dirt bag because Congress is riddled with dirt backs and would never stand up for America and what is right. Both parties are disgusting and no longer represent America or her interests. We are all doomed!

    • Archie1954 says:

      Names not going to hurt them. You have to hit them in the ballot box!

  9. doesntmatter says:

    i would’ve thought this was a recapped parody from saturday night live, had it been in the “omg” portion of yahoo o_o

    your potus has once again spoken for YOU, the ppl…everytime he opens his fly infested mouth, that is what he does. so at the end of the day, you all are puppets as well…allowing another human being to screw up the pieces of life you DO have left. puppet on my friends, puppet on -_-.

    • Truth matters says:

      NO this buffoon does not speak for 50 percent of us. Remember they rigged and stole the election. He does NOT represent more then 50 percent of us who recoil at his name. We despise him. Conversely, I remember Europeans telling America how great he was and the fawning of this clown for those around the world puzzled us. So don’t be so quick to blame every American for this total embarrassment.

      • doesntmatter says:

        well I AM blaming every single american that has a voice and a little bit of free will left to STAND UP FOR THEIR GOTDAMNED RIGHTS…you say he doesn’t speak for the ppl, when in reality he indeed does and will until you dependants remove him as your countries mouthpiece!!!! I blame each and every individual who trusts in another man to make their worlds go round! I blame all those that sit back and watch their grandchildrens futures slip away from them because they are too cowardous to STAND AND UP FIGHT FOR THEIR GOTDAMNED RIGHTS AS A HUMAN BEING!!! YES, I BLAME YOU, the ones who like to blame everyone else such as the damned europeans….its no ones fault but YOUR OWN….and you will reap every portion of your sowing.


        • Michael J. Marsalek says:

          Oh put a lid on it. When you go into a candy store and the clerk asks if you would like a free piece of your favorite chocolate, what would you say? It’s human nature to say, ” why yes I would and thank you.” When this goes on long enough, it’s human nature to expect and, in many cases, even to demand the free candy. The process of creating government dependency has been very long, deliberate & most effective. It has been accomplished by the
          ” dumbing down of America.” Government dependency is in serious trouble because the government has run out of other people’s money to spend & redistribute.

          • doesntmatter says:

            had the american ppl put a lid on their greed of handouts, they wouldn’t be where they are today o_o…learn where to direct your fluoride induced frustrations -_-.

            after my first cavity from all the “free candy” you described in your lame metaphore, I would have rejected any future pieces of it…common sense should steer ANY human being in that direction. yes, majority of TPTB agendas has been accomplished, including the complete dumbing down of americans…hence one of the ways they so easily continue to lure their made zombies with “free candy”.

            however, had the ppl not become so damned lazy, complacent, and dependent in the first place, government would’ve been forced to stay in their place and play their proper role as being an agent FOR the ppl, and not OF the ppl.

  10. gary says:

    Putin should invite Obama to a live video confrontation within an octagon without secret service agents to protect each of them.

  11. ravenmaven says:

    Good one President Putin!!!!!
    But please have a little sympathy for our Zioprogrammed
    Prez. It’s so obvious he is Israhells own puppet drone.

    • doesntmatter says:

      sympathy?? surely you were being sarcastic as all get out lol…all puppets are willful, they get no special treatment. but I pray for us all including the puppets, my savior asked me to…pray that they one day pull that satanic hand from their rears, and become better ppl before its too late.

  12. Archie1954 says:

    Ha, Ha. That would be funny if it weren’t so possible.

  13. 5 War Veteran says:

    It is not hard to remember that Obama does everything assbackwards. Remember ‘transparency in government’ ? So either he was calling Putin an amazing individual or Obummer was talking about himself. So after a 10 minute tirade I will assume that he was talking about himself.

    • Ascot says:

      Should that not be Bassackwards?
      It’s bad enough when that rodeo clown without a mask make a buffoon of himself within the United States, why does he have to go out and advertise it ALL OVER THE WORLD?

    • Truth matters says:

      That is correct. He was speaking of himself for sure.

  14. Ltpar says:

    Too little too late. Obama should have gotten in the little “dicks” face a long time ago instead of letting Putin bully the United States. Russia has become a second rate power and knows it could not win a fighting war with the United States. I do not support military intervention in Syria for one second, but support even less the United States getting bullied by Russia.

    • Michael J. Marsalek says:

      You have got to be kidding. We Americans have allowed our presidents to bribe and/or bully every other country in the world to look the other way at our country’s downright criminal behavior. Now Obama is comtemplating yet another illegal attack. If it were the other way around and Syria was attacking the U.S. , we would be calling in an unprovoked terrorist attack. Look at why it is the height of hypocrisy for the U.S. to attack Syria for the alleged use of chemical weapons.
      1. The U.S. Military Dumped 20 Million Gallons of Chemicals on Vietnam from 1962 – 1971

      2. Israel Attacked Palestinian Civilians with White Phosphorus in 2008 – 2009

      3. Washington Attacked Iraqi Civilians with White Phosphorus in 2004

      4. The CIA Helped Saddam Hussein Massacre Iranians and Kurds with Chemical Weapons in 1988

      5. The Army Tested Chemicals on Residents of Poor, Black St. Louis Neighborhoods in The 1950s

      6. Police Fired Tear Gas at Occupy Protesters in 2011

      7. The FBI Attacked Men, Women, and Children With Tear Gas in Waco in 1993

      8. The U.S. Military Littered Iraq with Toxic Depleted Uranium in 2003

      9. The U.S. Military Killed Hundreds of Thousands of Japanese Civilians with Napalm from 1944 – 1945

      10. The U.S. Government Dropped Nuclear Bombs on Two Japanese Cities in 1945

  15. Mike says:

    Turned out to be a “joke”

    • Ascot says:

      What turned out to be a joke, Mike? Barack Hussein “teleprompter” Obama? Many of us have known that for over five years now.

  16. Michael J. Marsalek says:

    It is a very sad state of affairs that the American people trust Vladimir Putin more and hold him in higher esteem than acting American president, Barack Obama. Mr. Obama’s greatest achievements that propelled him to the presidency was his effectiveness as a community organizer. Now most Americans and members of the international community wouldn’t trust Obama to organize their sock drawer.

    • Marie says:

      so sad, I find myself rooting for Putin, shocking to say the least, got to get past this, Obama is taking the USA in a Communist/Socialist direction , while Putin seems to be heading towards a Capitalistic agenda! In the long run I am not fooled by either! It is all over but the crying!

    • I’d rather have Putin as Prez. He is human and a man compared to that jew-propped lawn jockey.

  17. Crackerjack says:

    Guys c’mon this is satire and the NewYorker is know for this kind of crap.

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