The 6 Most ‘Horrifying Lies’ The Food Industry is Feeding You

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If there’s one thing in the world the food industry is dead set against, it’s allowing you to actually maintain some level of control over what you eat. See, they have this whole warehouse full of whatever they bought last week when they were drunk that they need to get rid of — and they will do so by feeding it all to you. And it doesn’t matter how many pesky “lists of ingredients” and consumer protections stand between you and them.

#6. The Secret Ingredient: Wood

You know what’s awesome? Newspaper. Or, to be precise, the lack thereof. The Internet and other electric media have all but eaten up classic print media, with the circulations of almost all papers on the wane. Say, do you ever wonder what they do with all that surplus wood pulp?

“But Cracked,” you inquire, “what does this have to do with food ingredients?”

Getty
For the purposes of this article, you’re kind of an idiot.

And we look at you squarely in the eye, then slowly bring our gaze upon the half-eaten bagel in your hand.

Oh, shit …

The Horror:

What do they do with all the cellulose wood pulp? They hide it behind a bullshit name and make you eat it, that’s what.

Getty
The best part of waking up, is wood pulp in your face!

And everybody’s doing it. Aunt Jemima’s pancake syrup? Cellulose. Pillsbury Pastry Puffs? Cellulose. Kraft Bagel-Fuls? Fast-food cheese? Sara Lee’s breakfast bowls? Cellulosecellulose, goddamn cellulose.

Schuym1
Et tu, Hot Pockets?

It turns out that cellulose can provide texture to processed foods, so food companies have taken to happily using it as a replacement for such unnecessary and inconveniently expensive ingredients asflour and oil. As the 30 percent cheaper cellulose is edible and non-poisonous, the FDA has no interest for restricting its use — or, for that matter, the maximum amount of it that food companies can use in a product. It is pretty much everywhere, and even organic foods are no salvation — after all, cellulose used to be wood and can therefore be called organic, at least to an extent.

But the worst thing about cellulose is not that it’s everywhere. The worst thing is that it is not food at all. Cellulose is, unlike the actual, normal food items you think you’re paying for, completely indigestible by human beings, and it has no nutritional value to speak of. If a product contains enough of it, you can literally get more nutrients from licking the sweet, sweet fingerprints off its wrapper.

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That loaf and the chopping block have an equal wood content.

#5. Zombie Orange Juice

Quick, name the most healthy drink your nearest store has to offer. You said orange juice, didn’t you? It’s what everybody makes you drink when you get sick. Hell, that shit must be like medicine or something. And the labels are always about health benefits — the cartons scream “100 percent natural!”, “Not from concentrate!” and “No added sugar!”

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“Less than four thumbs per gallon!”

And why not believe them? When it comes to making the stuff, orange juice isn’t sausage. You take oranges, you squeeze oranges, you put the result in a carton, with or without pulp. End of story, beginning of deliciousness.

But what if we told you that “freshly squeezed” juice of yours can very well be a year old, and has beensubjected to stuff that would make the Re-Animator puke?

Packaging Gateway
Tropicana’s bottling room. Not pictured: Anything orange.

The Horror:

Ever wonder why every carton of natural, healthy, 100 percent, not-from-concentrate orange juice manages to taste exactly the same, yet ever so slightly different depending on the brand, despite containing no additives or preservatives whatsoever?

The process indeed starts with the oranges being squeezed, but that’s the first and last normal step in the process. The juice is then immediately sealed in giant holding tanks and all the oxygen is removed. That allows the liquid to keep without spoiling for up to a year. That’s why they can distribute it year-round, even when oranges aren’t in season.

Amazon Fresh
Thanks to science, we can enjoy screwdrivers from Christmas to the 4th of July.

There is just one downside to the process (from the manufacturers’ point of view, that is) — it removes all the taste from the liquid. So, now they’re stuck with vats of extremely vintage watery fruit muck that tastes of paper and little else. What’s a poor giant beverage company to do? Why, they re-flavor that shit with a carefully constructed mix of chemicals called a flavor pack, which are manufactured by the same fragrance companies that formulate CK One and other perfumes. Then they bottle the orange scented paper water and sell it to you.

And, thanks to a loophole in regulations, they often don’t even bother mentioning the flavor pack chemicals in the list of ingredients. Hear that low moan from the kitchen? That’s the Minute Maid you bought yesterday. It knows you know.

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“Braaaaaaaains!”

#4. Ammonia-Infused Hamburger

Any restaurant that serves hamburger goes out of its way to reassure you how pure and natural it is. Restaurant chains like McDonald’s (“All our burgers are made from 100 percent beef, supplied by farms accredited by nationally recognized farm assurance schemes”) and Taco Bell (“Like all U.S. beef, our 100 percent premium beef is USDA inspected, then passes our 20 quality checkpoints”) happily vouch for the authenticity of their animal bits. Their testaments to the healthiness and fullness of their meat read out like they were talking about freaking filet mignon.

McDonalds
Above: Gourmet as balls.

And aside from the rare E.coli outbreak, the meat is clean. It’s how they get it clean that’s unsettling.

The Horror:

Ammonia. You know, the harsh chemical they use in fertilizers and oven cleaners? It kills E.coli really well. So, they invented a process where they pass the hamburger through a pipe where it is doused in ammonia gas. And you probably never heard about it, other than those times that batches of meat stink of ammonia so bad that the buyer returns it.

Carol Guzy
If your Big Mac ever tastes like pee, this is why.

The ammonia process is an invention of a single company called Beef Products Inc., which originally developed it as a way to use the absolute cheapest parts of the animal, instead of that silly “prime cuts” stuff the competitors were offering (and the restaurant chains swear we’re still getting). Consequently, Beef Products Inc. has pretty much cornered the burger patty market in the U.S. to the point that 70 percent of all burger patties out there are made by them. Thanks, ammonia!

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    RECORD ON DECEMBER 31ST 2013

    !

    LIKE JOHN LENNON
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    THEE GRAND WAZOOO!
    ## A New PostOH LOLA!
    A New Post!

    OR?

    I KNOW ANY NAZI FIAT GOLDEN

    DAWN CRONEY!

    BECAUSE I GET BANNED !
    ON MOST WEBSITES!?

    THE BILDERBERG ZUCKERBERGS

    OWN!

    GO FIGURE NUREMBERG!

    A SPARROW NAMED THAT FOR A

    GOLDEN REASON!

    AND VLADIMIR PUTIN KNOWS

    EDWARD SNOWDEN!

    FOR THE TRUTH IS GOLDEN!

    AND THE ONE GOLDEN DAWN

    SHOT A RAPPER ~!

    AND THATS ALL OF ROME!
    AND TAG ADOLPH HITLERS

    AUSTRIA!

    BECUSE HE KILLED HIS OWN!

    AND MORE THAN THAT!

    HE OWNED FRANKFURT
    THE HORTONS AND GORING~!
    EVERY SWASTICKA STUCKA!

    FOKKER REMOTE MUNITION

    DRONES!

    FACT!

    AND BUSHES A NAZI AND BARAC

    OBAMA’S

    ONE IMPLANTED FIAT !

    A JOE BUSHES HOE!

    AND IDI AMIN PAWN!

    SINCE ELECTED

    AND SINCE NIXON FOR N.S.A. !

    TAG WATERGATE TOO ALL THESE

    FIATS AND JOHN BOEHNER !

    THATS A YOUTHEN BILDERBERG !

    ALL OF ADOLPH HITLER’S !

    THESE ALL KNEW GENERAL ISEN

    HOWER !

    CONFISCATED EVERY MUNITION

    VON BRAUN AND HORTON

    REMOTE DRONE FROM

    FRANKFURT

    AIRBASE
    IN OLD 1945 GERMANY !
    FACT!

    THEE NAZI HIGH FLIGHT BLOODY

    RED BARON
    KNOWN!

    AND THAT GOT OLD BERLIN

    FLATTENED!

    AND HITLER’S N.W.O. GOT HIS

    SHOT BRAIN !
    SHOT !

    ON HIS PIUS POPED OWN!

    HE GOT CAUGHT!
    WITH LIKE DEATH CAMP’S!

    IN AND OUT OF OLD GERMANY!

    AND SO DID STALIN!
    IN OLD SIBERIA!

    SO!

    NUREMBERG HAUGE VLADIMIR

    PUTIN!

    ON A DOCKET!

    YOU KNOW THAT N.E.O.!
    A HIDDEN PONZI
    N.W.O. SCORE!

    DALLI LAMA

    NEO CON !
    HIROSHIMA !
    NEO PARCHEESY!

    BULLSSEYE!

    AND THE NUREMBERG

    GALLOWES !

    FOR SHO!

    I NUREMBERG HAUGE DOCKET

    ALL OF THESE FOR JOE STALIN IN

    2014~!

    TOO FREE BRADLEY MANNING

    AND EDWARD SNOWDEN !

    ALL FOR JULIAN ASSANGE ALSO!

    BECUSE THE GOLDEN TRUTH IS

    GOLDEN!

    AND I GET BANNED FOR THAT!

    FROM ANY FIAT WEBSITE!
    ON PROTECTORATE!

    AND THATS FUNNY !

    BECAUSE I AM SUPERMAN!

    WITH X RAY VISION!?

    AND PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY!

    AND I WILL NEVER FORGET!

    A FREE HERO AUDIE MURPHY!

    WHO FOUND AND FREED ANY
    DEATH CAMP PRISONERS !

    OF ADOLPH HITLERS!~

    FOREVER !

    GO FIGURE!

    ^!REPOP LOLA NEW BERLIN!^

    LOL!

    !^REPOP LOLA BERLIN!^

    ALL MUSICIANS CREDITS:
    AND THEE NUREMBERG HAUGE

    GALLOWES & COURT RECORDS

    2013 .

    ^(((((((((((((M.D.N.A.)))))))))))))))))^

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    ALL MUSICIANS CREDITS:
    AND THEE NUREMBERG HAUGE

    COURT RECORDS 2013 .
    ^(((((((((((((M.D.N.A.)))))))))))))))))^
    ^((((((((R.I.P.JOHN BONHAM)))))))^
    ^((((((((((((FORIEGNER)))))))))))))))^
    ^(((((((((((((MOBY^GRAPE)))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((((STARSHIP)))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((((((U.F.O.)))))))))))))))))))^

    (B.B.B.C. ! LUNA ASTRO ENGLAND)
    (QUEEN LONDON ABBEY ROAD)

    (((((((((APPLE RECORDS)))))))))))

    (JOHNNEY ^MOON^WOLF^DOG

    ^LONDON^WHO^DEPP!)

    (MADONNAMICHIGAN^SWASTICKA

    JUDE! LOLA^CICCONE!)^

    ^(C.C.C.P.! ASTRO RUSSIA

    PRESIDENT VLADIMIR

    ^PUTIN^VLADIMIR EUROPE

    HAUGE PRISON BELGIUM

    RECORDS)^
    ^(B.B.B.C.! QUEEN OF

    ENGLAND^SCOTLAND YARD

    BIRD’S^RECORDS)^

    ^{{{{{DEATH^ROW^RECORDS}}}}^

    ^(((((((((((FREE^BAND))))))))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((DAVE^HULL)))))))))))))))))^

    DOCTORJOHN^DOCTOR DEMENTO

    ((((((((((((K.R.L.A.RADIO))))))))))))))

    ^(((((ALL MAN& WOMAN)))))))))))))^

    MOSCOW PUSSY RIOT ROADIES!

    ^(((((((ALLMAN & WOMAN))))))))^

    ^((((((((((VOYAGER-MIR))))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((((((OZZY))))))))))))))))))))))^

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    ^(((((((((THE REDSOVINE))))))))))))^
    ^(((((((((((((((((((((DUMBO)))))))))))))^
    ^((((((((((((THE^GRINCH))))))))))))^

    ^((((((((JACK^NICHOLSON))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((((((THE^KINKS)))))))))))))))

    ^^(((((ALICE COOOPER)))))))))))))^^

    ^((((((((((((ZOMBIES))))))))))))))))))^

    ^((((((((GEORGE ^LUCAS)))))))))^

    ((((((((SANDRA^BULLOCK)))))))))))
    ^(((((((((((((((MADNESS))))))))))))))^
    ^(((((((((((((((EOIN^COLFER))))))))))^
    ^((((((((((((((THE^CALL))))))))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((((((BERLIN)))))))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((STEVEN^SPEILBERG)))))

    ^***CHEECH&CHONG***^

    (((((((((((((WIZARD^OF^OZ)))))))))))))

    ^(((((((((RIGHT SAID FRED!))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((()STEPPENWOLF())))))))^

    ^(((((((((LOGAN’S^RUN))))))))))^

    ^(((((((GEORGE ^CLOONEY))))))^

    ^(COEN BROTHERS MOVIE

    PRODUCERS MOVIE PRODUCERS)^

    ^((((((((((BRITNEY^SPEARS)))))))))))

    ^(LONDON ABBEY ROADIES!)^

    ^BADFINGER ^LAD ZEPPLIN^
    ^(LED ZEPPLIN)^

    ^HINDENBERG^ENOLAGAY^
    ^MAVERICK^AEON^
    ^(THE ^FAN^FLUX)^

    ^((((((((PYTHON^CLEESE))))))))))^

    ^((ORSON^APPLE^ZAPPLE^E.T.))^

    ^((((((((((((((((((!UFO!))))))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((ROD^TAYLOR)))))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((((((BORAT)))))))))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((((RED RUM)))))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((((((!E.L.O.!)))))))))))))))))^

    ((((((((((((((((THE^FAN)))))))))))))))))))

    ^(((((((((((((((VEJUR))))))))))))))))))))^

    ((0((((((STANLEY^KUBRICK)))))))0))

    (((((((((STELLAR^SUPERMAN)))))))))

    ^((((((((((((POSIEDEN)))))))))))^

    ^(((((((KING^CRIMSON)))))))^

    (((((((NIKOLA^TESLA^AC/DC)))))))))

    ^GEORGE^TAKEI^WILLSHATNER^

    MAJELBARRET^DIANAMULDAUR
    ((((((MORGANWOODWARD)))))))))

    (JOAN JETT^NIKKI^MINAJ^OZZY)

    (((((((((((((((((ROGER))))))))))))))))))))

    ^(((((((((((((WATERS)))))))))))))))))))^
    ((((((((SHAKIRA^CHERBONO^))))))))

    ^(((((MICKJAGGER-ELTON))))))))))
    (((((((((((((((((JOHN))))))))))))))))))))))

    ^ ^(NIELDIAMOND)^ ^ (((((((R.I.P.

    LOU REED))))))
    ^(((((((((((!UFO!)))))))))))^

    ^((((C.C.R.^C.S.N.Y.))))^
    ^(((((((( BOB DYLAN)))))^

    ^((((((((((LUDACRIS))))))))))^

    ^((((((((((((((JOANBAEZ)))))))))))))^

    ^((((ALL WOOD STOCK))))^

    ^(((((((((((((((ONE)))))))))))))^
    ((((((SONNY^BARGER))))))))
    ((((((((ALTAMONT))))))))))))))
    ((((((HELLS^ANGELS))))))))))
    ^((((((((((!E.L.O.!))))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((!E.L.P.!))))))))))))))^

    ())))))808! TOO 909!(((((()
    ^(LOLA M.T.V. CICCONE- DAVID

    PYTHON DERRICK)^ ((((((((BOB

    DYLAN)))))))
    (((((JEFF LYNNE)))))
    ((((((MICK JAGGER))))))

    ((OZZYOSBOURNE))
    (((((((((ALICE-COOPER)))))))))

    ((((((((((BAEZ-ORIANTHI)))))))))

    C.C.C.P. MOSCOW ROAD PUTIN

    HAUGE HITLER JOHN CUSAK

    GENERATOR RECORDS) B.B.B.C.

    ENGLAND LONDON ABBEY ROAD

    (APPLE RECORDS)
    (JOHNNEY ^MOON^WOLF ^DOG

    ^LONDON^WHO^DEPP!)

    (MADONNAMICHIGAN^SWASTICKA

    ^ JUDE! LOLA^CICCONE!)^

    ^(C.C.C.P.! PRESIDENT^ VLADIMIR

    PUTIN^HAUGE PRISON BELGIUM

    RECORDS)^
    ^(B.B.B.C.! QUEEN OF

    ENGLAND^SCOTLAND YARD

    BIRD’S^RECORDS)^
    ^(DAVE HULL^DOCTOR

    JOHN^DOCTOR DEMENTO K.R.L.A.

    RADIO)^
    ^(ALL MOSCOW PUSSY RIOT

    ROADIES! ALL LONDON ABBEY

    ROADIES!)^

    ^^(((MARILYN MANSON KANG

    KANG GUR GURU KRAFTWERK

    ZOMBIES)^
    ^(BADFINGER^LAD ZEPPLIN)^
    ^LEDZEPPLIN^HINDENBERG^
    ^(((((((((((ENOLA GAY)))))))))))))^

    ^LOLACICCONE^AEON^FLUX^
    PYTHON^CLEESE^ORSON^APPLE
    ^(((((((((^ZAPPLE^E.T.)))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((DAVID^BOWIE)))))))))))^

    {{{{{{{{JONI^MITCHELL}}}}}}}}}}}

    ^((((((((KRAFTWERK)))))))))
    ^KANGKANG^GURU^GURU^
    (((((((((ZAPPA^MOTHERS))))))))))))
    (((((((((((((JOAN^JETT))))))))))))
    ^DEBBIE HARRY^
    (((MARIAMULDAUR)))

    ^(((((((!UFO!)))))))^
    ^(((SUPERMAN^LOLA LANE)))^

    ^(((((((ELEKTRA^DOORS))))))))^
    ^((JIMIHENDRIXBAND))^

    ^((((((((((!E.L.O.!)))))))))))^
    ^)))))))))))BLAZEY&BOB((((((((((((^
    ^((((((((((((BOB^DOBB’S)))))))))))^
    ^(((((((((((LEONRUSSELL))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((THEEMATTERHORN))))))^

    ^((R.I.P.FRANK^ZAPPA))^

    ^(R.I.P.RUDYARD^KIPLING)^
    ^THEEGRANDWAZZOO!^

    ^((THEEZOMBIES))^
    ^RUSSIAN ROCK GROUP^

    ^(((((AC/DC)))))^
    ^((RIGHT SAID FRED))^
    ^(((((Billy^Paul)))))^
    ^((A WRINKLE IN TIME))^
    ((0(((((((((GEORGE^LUCAS))))))))0))

    ^((((((((((((JOHN^FRED))))))))))))))))^

    ^(((((((((((((PLAYBOY’S)))))))))))))))^

    ((0(((STEVENSPIELBERG)))))))))))0))
    ^(((THEETIMEMACHINE)))^

    ^((((((HOWDY^DOODY)))))))^

    ^^PHOEBE^SNOW^R.I.P.^^
    ^^^SKY ^FALL^^^
    ^((()((((007)(((()))^
    ^^^^^^^^^^^EASOP^^^^^^^^^^
    ^MOTHER^NATURES^SON^

    ^THEE ONE SUN^
    ^Jobe^

    R.I.P. JIM NABORS
    R.I.P. TINY TIM
    R.I.P. LORNE GREEN
    R.I.P. ROSANNA DANNA
    R.I.P. DAN BLOCKER
    R.I.P. ROBERT CONRAD
    R.I.P ROSS MARTIN
    R.I.P AGNES MOOREHEAD
    R.I.P CHARLES AIDMAN
    R.I.P. ALFRED HITCHCOCK
    R.I.P. EVIL KNEVIL
    R.I.P.JOHN BONHAM
    R.I.P. BOB MARLEY
    R.I.P. GROUCHO MARX
    R.I.P. BUFFALOE BOB
    R.I.P.JOHNNEY CARSON
    R.I.P.TUPAC SHAKUR
    R.I.P. ELVIS PRESLEY
    R.I.P. BRIAN JONES
    R.I.P. JOHNNEY CASH
    R.I.P AL JAFFEE
    R.I.P. JOHN LENNON
    R.I.P. MICHEAL LANDON
    R.I.P. STANLEY KUBRICK
    R.I.P. MICHAEL JACKSON
    R.I.P. OSKAR SHINDLER
    R.I.P. JIM MORRISON
    R.I.P. FATS WALLER
    R.I.P. GEORGE HARRISON
    R.I.P. STEVEN HAWKINS
    R.I.P.FRED ASTAIRE
    R.I.P. SYD BARRETT
    R.I.P.TUPAC SHAKUR
    R.I.P. AUDIE MURPHY
    R.I.P. ERNEST BORGNINE
    R.I.P. JUDY GARLAND
    R.I.P. LEWIS CARROL
    R.I.P. ABBEY HOFFMAN
    R.I.P. JIMI HENDRIX
    R.I.P. MADELEINE L’ ENGLE
    R.I.P. BOB DENVER
    R.I.P. BOB HOPE
    R.I.P. GERONIMO
    R.I.P. TIM LEARY
    R.I.P. RED SKELTON
    R.I.P. CHARLES SHULTZ
    R.I.P. LES CRANE
    RI.P. JOHN GLENN
    R.I.P. WALT DISNEY
    R.I.P. CLIFF ROBERTSON
    R.I.P. LORNE GREEN
    R.I.P. LEE MARVIN
    R.I.P. GENE AUTRY
    R.I.P. NIEL ARMSTRONG
    R.I.P. ORSON YAEGER
    R.I.P. BUCK OWENS
    R.I.P. JAMES DEAN
    R.I.P. JOHNNEY CASH
    R.I.P. JOHN F. KENNEDY
    R.I.P. JOHN QUINCY ADAMS
    R.I.P. GENERAL GEORGE

    WASHINGTON
    R.I.P. MARTHA MARY DANDRIDGE

    WASHINGTON

    SCRIBE SIGN:
    ENSIGN,
    DAVID J. TRON SUPERMAN
    VON BRAUN HORTON DRONE,
    DERRICK DRONE,
    HITLERSON!
    GARGOLYE OF THEE KREMLIN’S

    GREMLIN!
    JOE STALIN SUPER MAN!
    AND THE GREEN LANTERN!

    DOCUMENT IN NUREMBERG

    COURT
    HAUGE OF HITLER !

    NETHER LAND’S!

    ONE PLANET EARTH
    ONE MOON !

    IN A UNIVERESE
    SOLAR SYSTEM.

    (SAINT CROSS = JUDEN BERLIN)
    FORWARD TOO VLADIMIR PUTIN
    SUPERMAN
    AND FLASH GORDON WEST

    BERLIN !

    RECORD ON DECEMBER 31ST 2013

    !

    LIKE JOHN LENNON
    FOR JIMI HENDRIX!
    AND JIM MORRIISON !
    THEE GRAND WAZOOO!

    http://prose.io/#HITLERSONWARMACHTBUNKERGENERATOR/tidesdk-template/edit/master/2014-01-02-A%20WESTFIELD%20MALL%20SPY

  2. maitry says:

    kfc with chips are the best, one bite of their chicken and all hell is frozen.

    when the bliss wears off your left with some guilt at the back of your head.

    well from a spiritual point of view if you give in to lust, taste buds and what not, you are no different to an animal.

    this is the real world even though it is all an illusion, our selfish choices that we take fore granted is so great that we blindly and mindlessly declare it as real.

    however, initially our freedom is ultimate, the freedom to do anything till our heart content is almost gone, when we lose such a freedom we lack the ultimate experience to understand, and so we lack the growth of understanding the true nature around us.

    to make an assertion of it all, we are living in a universal flux, we must adapt to whatever changes given to us, if mens laws only applies to the elites we are in deep shit.

    mmm, which makes me thinks, what do the elites feed their families with? surey they use the same money that we use to buy stuff, but im sure they eat the same shit from the market that we get our supplies from.

    do these people even have any dignity towards their families? yet do they even have any self respect? the answer to that is no and no.

    yet again we are witnessing fuckwits, assholes, puppets and white collar thugs on top of the corporate ladder telling us how to live our lives, in this case for instance what we should eat.

    however in all due self respect i am not gullible and i take this as a grain of salt, but if this is as real as a syringe packed with a whole chicken or a mice tail in a meat pie or remnants of fetus extracts in cola and what not that is out there i would be obliged to serve the so called elites with a can of whoop ass!

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